The Truth About Her
by rabastan04
Summary: What if Lauren was more than the efficient but nerdy scientist we all love? Set after end of s3, her sudden disappearance has unearthed more bones in her closet that Bo and Kenzi have to deal with. (not as ominous as that sounded.)


The Truth About Her

Rating: K+

Summary: Lauren-centric story without Lauren actually in it. :) Set almost right after the end of s3.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Lost Girl franchise and seek no profit for this work. I just want to share my delight of the wonderful story and characters by making this fic. Please don't sue.

Warning: Un-beta-ed. Please be patient with the mistakes.

* * *

Kenzi heard the knock through the blaring noise of her Xbox and startled immediately into pausing her game. She was almost unaware of the way she automatically had stood up, grabbing the hidden dagger on her boot as she stared at the door, but the second round of knocking made her conscious of the ridiculous pose she was holding: body tense and ready, her feet braced apart for a fight and the dagger a gleaming menace, cleverly manoeuvred just out of sight for a surprise attack. She felt slightly sheepish and straightened up, walking over to check who had come to visit.

The dagger stayed in her hand, though.

It wasn't like that before, when Kenzi still felt relatively safe in their crack shack, but the Morrigan's attempted coup and so-called "purge" had only been six months ago and the memories were still fresh in her mind.

The purge itself, while harrowing and dangerous, had blown over after only a week, when the fae realized that they actually liked their humans and that they were very useful to them.

It was still unclear how exactly the Morrigan was able to convince everyone that humans were the fae's enemies and had to be killed for the safety and glory of their race. The situation back then helped a lot, of course, but it was now assumed that she had some magic help to stir emotions to a fever pitch.

Unfortunately, even a week was too long as many humans were killed in the initial rush, along with a few fae who tried to stand by their wards. Kenzi knew there were still a handful of fae today that were still in shock from their losses and some were suffering from a morbid form of "buyer's remorse", but of course dead was dead and there wasn't anyone that could change that. At least those fae were instrumental in seeing the Morrigan kicked off from the office.

(Kenzi should probably start referring to her as Evony from now on, but it makes her feel weird, so... no.)

The Dark's disgrace over their leader's mistakes suddenly made Hale look all shiny-and-righteous-Ash-in-couture-vests (the hat was retired but the vests stayed), but even he was unable to escape completely unscathed. After all, _he_ was the incompetent master of the human who started it all: Lauren Lewis.

Even now, the doctor's name was still somewhat taboo in certain places if one wanted to prevent heated arguments from popping up. Everyone had an opinion on what should be done to the doctor - from being killed outright to being enslaved back into labor to it wasn't her fault, she was manipulated as everyone was. Admittedly, that last one was the extreme minority for now, so it was just lucky that no one actually knew where the doctor was.

She was still missing after the events in that madman's laboratory.

Which was another matter altogether.

There was another knock which pulled Kenzi away from her distracted thoughts and this time, there was something frantic in the sound that made her hurry. Maybe it was Bruce? Kenzi thought, smile lighting up her face automatically at the thought of her new best friend. But then her worries caught up to her as she wondered why Bruce was here at this time of the night and why hadn't he texted first if he was coming...?

"Hale!" Kenzi smiled in surprise as she opened the door, her eyes widening in curiosity as she spied the large box in his arms. She holstered her dagger back absentmindedly.

"Hey, mama," Hale greeted easily, barely blinking at the human's weapon; his smile though, was just a little strained to be genuine. "What's up? Is Bo here?"

He did that lately, Kenzi noticed, calling her mama instead of li'l mama. It was a small change but a significant one too, she thought.

It wasn't just Kenzi and the way she regarded small noises that had changed these days, it was... everyone.

She and Hale, they still haven't talked about his somewhat confession in the Dal that day, but even if he had tried to save her by willingly giving up a priceless family heirloom, he still left her alone to face the Morrigan.

In fact, it wasn't just Hale who left her. Trick escaped on his own and went to Scotland for a vacation with his new lady love.

At least Dyson had the excuse of recovering from a car accident. And Bo got card-sucked by her dad into another dimension.

But Kenzi hadn't known that at the time. She only knew that Hale had kissed her and then given her up to the Dark to be tortured. If it weren't for the Morrigan's impatience and big ol' Bruce, she... well, she probably would've been killed by now or left to rot in a Dark compound dungeon.

It was just her luck to find that the biggest, brawniest Dark bodyguard she'd ever seen was also the mushiest, gentlest teddy bear inside.

Hale had given her the protection amulet but it was Bruce that saved her life. It was Bruce that tried to cheer her up by "lending" the Morrigan's awesome car (that they unfortunately had to abandon in case they provoked more of her scary angry bitchin'), Bruce that patiently explained to her how to hide from fae and Bruce that supported her - despite his own doubts - about her desire to become more than human.

A wish that never really got off the ground once Kenzi finally learned everything that had happened, including Bo's disappearance, a full two days later from a weary Hale.

The moment Kenzi left the Dal, she had immediately known to go hiding - throwing away her phone and putting on a new wig, all routine for her - just in case the Morrigan bothered to pursue her. She had also sent a reluctant Bruce back with a cover story on how the tiny human escaped him, even though the big fae wanted to come with her.

But Kenzi couldn't risk his safety as well and they both figured that he would be more useful if he stayed put and updated her on what was happening with the fae. That, and he was just too big and conspicuous to go on the run with her.

She had called Bo that first night, but hadn't been too worried when she only got her voicemail, thinking that things were most likely a mess, and her best buddy was in the middle of it all.

On the second day, Kenzi began to worry because Bo hadn't even left a message on the new phone number that she left for her. She chanced calling Dyson and then Trick, growing more frantic as she failed to contact both, until finally she reached Hale.

The siren had answered, but instead of relief, Kenzi's panic only escalated when he shared the news about everyone's fate. It didn't help that they couldn't do anything about it immediately because the fae world had gone crazy. (It was actually a miracle that they hadn't managed to completely expose themselves to the whole world, with all the antics -i.e. killings and general mayhem - they pulled at the time.)

For Kenzi though, the real torture was being forced to lay low while they waited for the furor to wane. She wanted to start looking for Bo, to get her out of that wanderer card as soon as possible, but she was stuck cooling her heels and waiting for the everyone to tell her when to feel useful. It burned her that she was a liability when she had always secretly prided herself in being part of the "A-Team" and especially, being Bo's human.

She hadn't minded playing sidekick and supporting from the back, because she knew that everyone valued her and that Bo truly relied on her but the last few months, she had slowly felt pushed aside. First by Hale, in his quest for perfect Ash-ness. Then there was Trick, who seemed more impatient lately. And finally, Bo too - although it wasn't really her fault, being sick and all, and facing a real problem that she could become a troll hag if she failed her dawning exams. At least she made up for it when Kenzi got abducted by that fox impostor.

Still, the constant disappointments from her fae homies had slowly built up inside her and now, there she was, hiding so she wouldn't be killed by the ungrateful bastards whose asses she'd save from the Garuda... not even a year ago.

It was very hard not to resent all fae and when things finally settled down and Trick finally came back to the Dal to begin their search for Bo, Kenzi had already begun to change.

And the four months that Bo was stuck in that card while they tried to free her didn't help at all. Instead of drawing together, the group slowly began to fall apart. As if without Bo, there was no one to hold them together.

Or maybe, Kenzi thought, it was more like without Bo, it was just easier to revert to their old ways.

It was startling to realize that all their lives had been revolving around Bo these past few years - as they shared her concerns about her unknown heritage, her destiny to be the fae champion and even her fae puberty woes - and that her disappearance had set them all adrift.

But life still had to go on and even though they struggled without her, they stumbled along until they found purpose again.

For the men, it helped that the fae world was once again in chaos. They had their hands full in restoring order and balance but Kenzi was the odd girl out because she was no longer part of that. Perhaps, if it was a matter of technicality, Trick could have "kept" her in place of Bo, like he had once promised. But the purge had changed things; made every significant relationship in her life complicated.

So Kenzi had gone back to her petty thieving ways, and only hung out with Trick whenever he had some news to share. Sometimes Dyson was there, and it would feel like old times, joking and laughing with the shifter. But she only saw Hale once and the current Ash had only offered her a tense smile, albeit adding a genuinely warm hug.

And these meetings were always conducted discreetly to avoiding the attention of the other fae - no more of her barging on the bar like she owned the place and jokingly demanding to be served -, although reparations were being made, and human pets were supposedly welcomed once more.

In fact, at that time, she had hung out with Bruce more times, than with her Light family. Their meetings had to be discreet too of course, but at least there wasn't any of that awkward, painful tension around as there was with the others, as they all tried to fill-in the empty, Bo-shaped hole in their interactions.

"Hale," Bo's voice behind her startled Kenzi out of her thoughts.

"Bo," Hale greeted back, a little wary.

Kenzi turned to look at her best friend, not at all surprised to find that she had managed to approach them without her sensing it. The succubus was a shadow of her former self these days, the last two months since her return weighing heavily on her whole being.

Kenzi frowned as she remembered the day that Bo had returned. It was as anti-climactic as it was surprising when the succubus just appeared out of the blue, startling her and Trick from their latest brainstorming. Kenzi couldn't forget the way Bo had looked at first, tired but happy, and so very eager to tell them all about her father.

Who hadn't been keeping her prisoner after all and had willingly let her go.

Bo had been quick to reassure them that her father wasn't evil and that he genuinely cared for her, before they all realized that the succubus hadn't been aware of the time she had lost inside the card.

When Bo had worriedly asked about Dyson and Lauren and Taft, Kenzi had felt her heart drop and later felt it weigh heavily in her stomach as she and Trick took turns explaining all that had happened when she was 'gone'.

Bo had become pale until the end, when her face had flushed and she had grabbed their hands in a bruising grip, asking, "And Lauren?! Where is she? What happened to her?"

Trick had shaken his head then, murmuring a soft, "I'm sorry, Bo," and Kenzi had fought not to wince when she felt Bo's grip tighten even more.

Bo had been on the verge of hysteria, maybe nearing that Succubus 2.0 rage model - where her powers leveled up to super-scary-suck-everyone's-chi-with-one-breath- , before Kenzi had managed to quickly explain that Lauren _wasn't_ dead, just missing.

But that had only launched Bo on a quest to find the lost doctor.

They _had_ tried to look for Lauren themselves, but it was only a token effort as most of their energies were concentrated on Bo's rescue. Besides, it was easier to be lax in this matter when Hale had already formed an official taskforce of his own to search specifically for the doctor and bring her back to Light custody.

Lauren was important to them too, of course she was, but what would they have done if they found her, anyway? Protect her? The doc had been doing a good job of hiding on her own, so maybe that was for the best. Kenzi always felt _dirty_ for thinking that way but she also refused to acknowledge it.

Bo was her priority.

She didn't want to apologize for it but it didn't make her less sorry, as they watched Bo run around in the next month, doing all she could to determine the doctor's whereabouts. The succubus hadn't cared if she offended other fae by showing _concern_ for the supposed traitor, and more than once, had simply bulldozed her way against their wishes, demanding help and threatening them if they refused to give it. It had taken the combined efforts of Trick and Hale to calm the masses down, while she and Dyson had tried to rein Bo in, but the real turning point was the moment Trick finally lost his temper at Bo.

It had scared Kenzi badly, as she became an unwilling witness to their first big fight. Bo **had** gotten angry at Trick before, and Trick himself had occasionally been short at his granddaughter, but Kenzi had never seen him really angry.

It was at that moment that she understood why Vex had paled dramatically when he realized he might have accidentally offended the Blood King.

Trick had been a frightening figure then, his small stature doing nothing to blunt the full force of his fearsome aura.

But Bo had been scary then too, because she had matched Trick in his anger, refusing to back down even a little.

There had been lots of yelling but the only thing she remembered of that time was thinking and feeling the "inhumanity" of her adopted family. She knew about it, and accepted it, but sometimes it still caught her off guard. In their rage, it was like they've unmasked themselves and Kenzi saw them as "other".

They resolved their issues eventually - with Dyson, the brave idiot, literally stepping in between them - but Kenzi thought that there was still some lingering resentment on Bo's side, especially since Trick seemed to have said something about Lauren that Bo refused to share with her.

The whole fight proved a little therapeutical though, because Bo did try to stop being so obsessive and attempted to go back to normal, picking out new jobs for them to do.

But then she started moping instead and... Kenzi stifled a sigh at the thought.

Maybe no one expected a happy-ever-after once they had 'rescued' Bo, but no one was prepared for this either. They all thought that things would start returning to normal and everything would be alright again, but the Bo they were expecting wasn't the same anymore.

Maybe for the succubus it had only been four days trapped with her father, rather than the four months they spent looking for her, but it was enough.

Or rather, they weren't enough, Kenzi thought bitterly. Because Lauren was still missing and Bo couldn't move on without her. She didn't want to.

It was so obviously different from that time Dyson pulled his disappearing act, when Bo was worried and angry but still her sexy succubus self.

This time, the doctor's absence made Bo brittle with fear, and as the days passed by without any sign from her - and this was the main point, because if Lauren was still alive, surely she would have sent Bo a message already -, her best buddy wilted like a broken hearted plant.

And she was mixing her metaphors now, Kenzi thought, annoyed with herself and turned her attention back to Hale.

He and Bo were exchanging small talk - awkward! - and she let her gaze rest upon the box, still in the siren's arms.

Something clicked in her mind just as she heard Bo exclaim, "Wait, is that a lab coat?"

Kenzi saw her begin to stiffen, glaring at Hale, and couldn't help but wince alongside the poor guy.

"Is this Lauren's stuff?" Bo demanded, coming alive in way that made Kenzi realize once again how bad Bo had been letting herself go. And while she felt sorry for their friend, she also felt a sneaky bit of gladness to see her best buddy's eyes flashing with life again.

"Yes it is, but Bo, just let me explain -" Hale tried, almost mumbling out the words at the speed which he tried to spill them out.

But Bo was already stepping closer, her whole aura radiating threat. "She's not dead! I won't believe it! You can't -"

"Bo-bo," Kenzi murmured, trying to intervene and comfort her distressed friend. Her eyes had begun to flicker blue and Kenzi hated for their new Ash to die. Again.

To his credit, Hale stood his ground and only whistled a sharp, grating tune.

The sound was like a physical impact that disoriented Kenzi, but Bo - the actual intended recipient - lost a few seconds as she stood still with glazed eyes, before grabbing her head in pain.

It was enough for Hale to blurt out a quick, "She's not dead, she's just getting evicted!" and visibly braced himself for Bo's reaction.

Bo blinked as she processed the information and glared at him again as she massaged her temple. But it was a milder version this time and both Hale and Kenzi breathed a sigh of relief.

"Evicted?!"

Kenzi grimaced at that tone but she was curious too, so she only shot Hale a questioning look.

Hale swallowed heavily and indicated to the door, "Can we talk inside? This box is uh, heavy." When neither women moved, he added in a slightly begging tone, "It's full of books. Medical texts, science journals and strangely, cook books."

At that, Bo finally moved aside to let the siren in while Kenzi frowned in sudden confusion, before she remembered that incident with the cupcakes. She watched Hale bring the box down on the kitchen table and piped up almost immediately,

"So? What's up?"

Hale looked surprised that it was Kenzi who broke first, with Bo only continuing to glare at him from the living room but he just straightened up and began to explain.

"Like I said, there's still no news of Dr. Lewis," he started, grimacing apologetically when he saw Bo's disappointment. "But, it's true that she is technically... getting evicted." When he saw their outraged faces, Hale quickly raised up a hand in protest, "It's not just my call anymore, okay? The Elders discussed it too. Lauren was the chief medical officer of the Light and her absence has left a hole in the ranks. They want to fill it up soon and I've already managed to stall them for this long, so, how about you guys give me a break, huh?"

Kenzi sighed at that and felt a twinge of guilt when she finally noticed Hale's haggard appearance. She realized that he looked at lot like the image she was seeing in her mirror lately: tired and sad.

"I'm sorry."

They both turned to look at the now-solemn succubus, before Hale broke the matching stare with a wry grin. "It's okay, Bo."

Bo gave him a small smile back and tense mood finally broke, leaving behind an odd silence as they relished the sudden sense of comfort of being amongst friends.

It gave Kenzi an unpleasant jolt to realize that this feeling had been missing for quite a while now. It was like they've _forgotten_, how to be in each other's presence without letting all their collective crap weigh them down.

She gave another gusty sigh before pushing the heavy thoughts away. There was no time for brooding when there's snooping to be done.

"So... these are all books?" Kenzi asked, wrinkling her nose as she pushed aside the lab coat carelessly thrown on top of the box.

She raised her head to see two amused looks directed at her, but ducked back quickly when she met Hale's affectionate eyes, hiding the un-cool blush that was threatening to burst out. To busy herself, Kenzi began to unpack the box, making faces and grunting exaggeratedly as she revealed books, notebooks, science magazines, more books and yes, more books.

Hale wasn't kidding about the cook books though. There were at least four that she saw already.

"Why'd you bring them here anyway?" Kenzi asked curiously, before her eyes widened as a thought occurred to her. "Oh wait a sec, you weren't supposed to save these, were you? I didn't think the Light Fae would be sentimental over their pets' belongings, right?"

Hale cringed as he felt their matching glares again, and struggled to extricate himself from the uncomfortable corner he kept finding himself in.

"Okay, so faes are jerks," he said, but Bo's deepened frown made him backtrack immediately to, "Most faes, I mean, and we're selfish and care for no one but ourselves, especially not humans. It's our thing." Hale paused at that, still tense, but sensed that he had gotten the women's attention for now. His voice became a bit more somber as he continued though. "Recent events just proved that. And yeah, we're not the sentimental type at all when it comes to our human wards. But I do want to change that, okay?" He shot them a pleading look. "As the Ash, I want a lot of things for the fae, for us to grow as a people and not get stuck in the past. I just... call me naive like others already do, but I want peace, I guess. Real peace, with the Dark, with the humans." Hale shrugged self consciously, unable to look at them directly. "I know it's a pipe dream, especially since most you can't avoid the fact that many faes _feed_ on humans..." It was Bo's turn to look self conscious but Hale didn't notice as he finished with, "but I still want to aim for it."

For a moment, the air was thick with tension again as he waited for their judgement, but Bo only turned towards the books on the table with a thoughtful look. She ran a gentle hand over one of the notebooks and said, "So why did you bring these here?"

Hale gave a small sigh of relief at being off the hook, before it was replaced by an expression that confused Kenzi.

He looked both excited and weirded out.

"First of all, I believe that Lauren is still alive," Hale said, meeting Bo's astonished look head on with an understanding smile. "And that's why I don't want to just throw out her stuff. I figured you could keep them here for safe keeping."

"How?" Bo stammered out, catching his excitement. She looked anxious but there was a welcome shine in her eyes that Kenzi noted. For the first time in months, Bo had hope again.

"I'm sorry, Bo," Hale said, instantly dimming that light. "I don't have real proof right now, aside from what my instinct is telling me." Kenzi felt Bo pulling away again but Hale's next words and the absolute certainty in his tone captured them again. "But I believe it. I'm sure of it."

"Why?"

It was Kenzi's turn to ask this time.

"Because of these," Hale said, gesturing to the scattered books in front of them.

"Whu-huh? What kind of ceremonial Ash-y herbs have they been wafting in your face now?" Kenzi asked incredulously.

Hale shot her a disgruntled look. "It was only the one time! And that was more a traditional herb burning ritual than having any real effects!"

"Oh yeah? I saw you sniffing heavily and you were really mellow..." Kenzi shot back.

"I wasn't sniffing! It was right in my face, I couldn't help but take some in..."

"You were enjoying it!"

"It was stinky!"

"GUYS!"

Bo's frustrated roar stopped their nonsensical bickering in a second, causing twin blooms of embarrassment to rise in their cheeks. They turned to look at her sheepishly, but the succubus didn't even bother telling them off, her eyes only reflecting a sort of desperate curiosity as she tried to figure out the mess in front of them.

"Hale, what do you mean... I... what are...," Bo shook her head, angry at her stuttering. "These books are Lauren's, you said?"

Hale nodded promptly, getting back to business. "Yes, her personal effects as you already figured out. We found them while cleaning out her apartment."

"And what? They contain... clues?"

"Not exactly."

"Just spit it out, dude," Kenzi said helpfully, even as she pulled a notebook open, unable to stop herself anymore.

She was immediately disappointed though, by its contents.

"This is gibberish!" Kenzi complained, tilting the book in various angles to figure out Lauren's chicken scratch writing. There were odd chemical formulas clumped with various unrelated words and vague drawings of what she thought were atoms. She squinted at the page, trying to determine a pattern to the madness and Kenzi felt a little itch in the back of her mind: a reminder of her brief stint as a super genius.

It was almost like she will know if she just kept pushing... but not really, and huffing noisily, Kenzi gave up.

"So? What's the deal here?"

She looked up to see that Bo too had cracked open a book and Hale had another one open in front of him.

"This is Lauren's brilliance," Hale said solemnly. Kenzi thought he was being too dramatic but being an expert herself with dramatic presentation - a necessity in a con-artist's life -, she only appreciated his efforts. This meant though that she was now treating everything coming out of his mouth as crap.

That, and she really wasn't in the mood to listen to the delights and wonders of one, Dr. Lauren Lewis.

She respected the woman and liked her now, but even with all that had happened, Kenzi still wasn't immune to the uncomfortable sense of inferiority she felt whenever anyone would praise Lauren in her hearing.

She knew that no one was really comparing them, but that was always what it felt like to her.

It was actually strange, when Kenzi really thought about it, because she was usually brimming with self-confidence. But where Lauren was concerned, she was instantly on guard, always going on the offensive first even when the other woman only ever tried to be kind to her.

Kenzi was determined not pay attention to Hale but her resolve only lasted a minute when her brain processed his next words.

"Wait up! Did you just say that Lauren invented a way to read thoughts? Like telepathy?"

Hale looked up from the picture he was showing Bo, but before he could answer her, Bo's distracted murmur diverted their attention again.

"This looks familiar. I think it's the one Lauren used when I couldn't sleep because the Mare targeted me."

"Lauren read your thoughts?!" Kenzi said, still stuck on that ridiculous point. She gave a disbelieving laugh and frowned at Hale. "Seriously, I know she's really smart but this? Aren't you exaggerating a bit?"

But Hale wasn't laughing to show he was just pulling their legs. He wasn't even smiling. He still looked solemn and only his eyes betrayed his own turbulent emotions.

"Everyone was surprised to find these notes too, Kenzi. It seems like Lauren had been conducting her own private research for years now and well, it's very varied to say the least. I think the Ash knew some of it, but most were her own."

"But she was a medical doctor right? Even I know that doesn't translate to making telepathy machines!" Kenzi protested.

"It's not complete," Hale reassured her. "As far as we can tell, Lauren hadn't been able to make it work like she wanted to -"

"It's for Nadia," Bo said all of a sudden, cutting off Hale.

"What?" Hale asked, confused by the seeming non sequitur.

But Kenzi was nodding too, as she understood Bo's leap of logic. "She probably thought it would help wake her up or something, but she was actually cursed so..."

"Oh," Hale whispered, his voice heavy with regret as the atmosphere dropped back down.

"She did all this for Nadia, you think?" Kenzi ventured, after a while, now looking at the scribbles with new light.

Hale blinked and then shook his head. "No. That would be convenient, but no. It's not all about Nadia."

"How can you tell?" Kenzi asked, although she was looking at Bo, concerned by her best friend's silence.

"There's other stuff..." Hale began before pulling at another notebook. "Like this one: Lauren discovered and developed a nutrient bath from a certain underfae's secretions..."

"Eww."

"... and she's created a variety of human medicine that's better than what's on the market now, also developed from other underfae samples..."

"More ewww."

"... and there's also this," Hale continued, now pointing to an actual legible article that made Kenzi smile despite herself.

It was simply titled: Eat Your Heart Out Dumbledore (The 15! Uses of Naga Venom - aside from killing Garudas)

"What a nerd," Kenzi muttered, her smile growing larger when she saw Bo's fond look directed at the notebook page.

Hale had gotten excited again. "It's amazing! If you think about it, it's only been a couple of months and yet she's already managed to learn this much! And she was only working on corrupted samples. Imagine what she could have learned with a fresh batch!"

"Okay, that's really cool," Kenzi admitted and began to flip through more notebooks, "What else?"

"Oh!" Hale began to just randomly flip the books around, pointing at things too fast for them to really see. "She's been working on free radicals as you know, and some gene splicing as well. There're notes on fae microbacteria and oh! Here, this should be familiar, the shots she used to give you for your appetite, Bo."

"What about it?" Kenzi asked, curious now and very, very interested.

"Well, at first she just made a common inhibitor. Something to block the appetite. Trick the brain to think that it's already full..."

"Okaaaay?"

"...But overtime, Lauren developed a more complex medicine. This time, it's against impulse. The body still feels the hunger, _but_ the brain is uh, reinforced I guess, is a good word. Instead of giving in to your primal urges, the brain gets a surge of uh, something, that allows it to still be in control."

"Okaaaay?"

Hale gave her a knowing grin. "It's really, really useful mama! Do you know how many accidental deaths our youths cause when they're just learning how to use their abilities?" He saw Kenzi's alarmed face and backtracked. "Never mind. Just believe me when I say it's really-"

"Useful, yeah you said that. What else?" Kenzi asked eager for more of Lauren's wacky discoveries.

"Why are you giving this to us then? If it's so valuable?" Bo said, startling them by finally joining the conversation again.

At this, Hale became serious again. "There are more books that we're keeping for now. Most are just theories but we're trying to see which ones are viable and which are not. Some of them are in some sort of code too, so we're also trying to crack that."

He paused then and looked so hesitant, that both women instinctively braced themselves for whatever he would reveal next.

"It's not all good, you know?"

"What does that mean?" Kenzi asked, confused.

"It's... Lauren's research, I mean. It's not just good stuff. There's others too."

"Like?!"

"Like that basilisk venom that almost killed you," Hale said flatly, his eyes dull and hard now. "She tinkered with a batch that would allow humans to carry it safely but would still kill any fae."

"What...?" Pure disbelief in Kenzi's tone.

"I think she was just curious that time," Hale added, looking disturbed. "It wasn't malicious."

"That time?"

Hale was frowning now. "There were earlier experiments she conducted; like the blood sickness in the Congo, she played with it too. That's part of where her gene research was going, isolating fae DNA and making it vulnerable to diseases. She didn't have any live testing subjects, just tissue samples, but I think that was more a lack of opportunity than -"

"Lauren would never! That's..." Bo said, interrupting him with a shocked glare.

"The other notebooks read like journals," Hale explained. "It's still just scribbles and not a comprehensive day-to-day diary, but I think at one point, Lauren was seriously depressed and really angry-"

This time it was Kenzi who piped up with an anxious sounding, "That doesn't sound like Lauren, dude."

Hale shot them a look that instantly grated on their nerves. It was the look of someone who knew something and pitied those not in the loop.

"We weren't close, but I've _known_ Lauren a lot longer than you. There was a reason that the former Ash made her chief medical officer and it was important enough to overcome the large bias of her humanity."

"Because she was really smart! That's what you showed us, just now!" Kenzi said, glaring at Hale. She jumped away from the table to pace agitatedly. "Isn't that the point of all this?"

"She's not just smart, Kenz," Hale said in a remarkably patient voice. "She's more than just her brains, she's... Lauren's a scientist." Kenzi flinched at the way he caressed the word. He made a face, a strange mix of admiration and disgust flashing in his eyes, even as his tone deepened to that familiar pitch he used to soothe her with. Maybe he was trying to calm her down, but it only had the opposite effect on her, and Kenzi cringed with each word that spouted out of his mouth as he continued. "She's curious and observant and brilliant, but most importantly, she doesn't flinch when she's holding the scalpel."

"That's enough, Hale."

Bo's hard voice broke through the insidious atmosphere that Hale's little speech had created. He looked slightly stunned, as if he hadn't realized what he was doing either.

"You said you knew she's still alive," Bo continued, staring him down. "How?"

Releasing a shaky breath, he took a moment to gather himself before looking down at the mess of books on the table. "I'm sorry, I don't know what... It's a shock to us too, we didn't know what we were going to find in her room and, I've been under a lot of pressure lately-" He looked up at Bo's determined face and stopped abruptly, embarrassed at his rambling. He looked back down, unable to meet her eyes. "I... I just wanted to say, that a person who can come up with all this would be able to survive a lot." He braved another glance at Bo's face. "Of everyone I know, she's the one human that I'll bet on to save herself out of this trouble."

Kenzi frowned at him then, suddenly hurt by that unintended dig; but Hale didn't notice because comparing them was the last thing in his mind at the moment.

He had found the courage to look Bo in the eye again and said, "At the very least, this proves how resourceful Lauren can be." And then he took a deep breath before adding, "And as long as there's no body, I won't give up on her."

Bo had tensed again at the suggestion of Lauren's death, but she only nodded her head once, finally accepting Hale's good intentions.

The new Ash took that as a sign and decided to quit while he was still ahead. He moved to the door and said, "There's also a luggage case outside with Lauren's clothing and small personal effects. It's everything for now." He stopped by the doorway and looked back. "I'll try and salvage the rest of her research when my people are done with it but I can't promise anything yet."

He was almost gone when Bo called him back.

"Thank you," she said simply, when he turned around.

"You're welcome, Bo," Hale said just as simply, tilting his head in acknowledgement.

xxx

Kenzi barely noticed Bo's return, busy with her frantic riffling of Lauren's books.

"What are you doing?" Bo asked perplexedly, her voice tinged with disbelief and a hint of indignation at her actions.

Kenzi knew what that tone meant but something Hale had said earlier was distracting her, running in a loop inside her head, and she ignored the warning signs of Bo's volatile temper.

She picked up another notebook, almost tearing off a page with her furious treatment of it.

"All this time..." Kenzi muttered, glaring at the paper in front of her.

She was about to pick up a new book, when Bo grabbed her hard and yanked her away from the table itself.

"Kenzi, what. Are. You. Doing?"

Bo looked angry now, but Kenzi was growing angry too and for once, she allowed herself to indulge in the emotion. It had been too long since she let herself feel like this - to have a tantrum and be pissed off just because.

It had been too long of holding herself back, because she couldn't afford to lose it, could she? There wasn't time to goof off and be overdramatic anymore. Not when her best friend was doing an awesome imitation of a zombie most days and a storm cloud some days.

She tore herself away from Bo's grasp and was pleased at the startled look that passed her best friend's face.

"What do you think, Bo?"

Maybe it was the cutting sarcasm which was only ever used playfully against her, or maybe it was the glare, but Bo was rendered silent in the face of her best friend's animosity.

"I can't believe..." Kenzi began, before abruptly cutting herself off. "Oh no wait. That's not true. I can believe this is happening. I totally _believe_ that Lauren lied to us again like she's done _over and over_ -"

"No! Don't say that, Kenzi," Bo said, her eyes shining brightly with the anger she was barely suppressing. "You can't say that about Lauren -"

"Why not, Bo? It's the truth, isn't it?"

"It's not -"

"It is!" Kenzi yelled out, shocking Bo into stepping back. "We don't know her at all! We... It's been what? Three years? We've been friends with her - she's your off and on lover! - for three years. For _three_ years Bo! But we don't really know her, do we?"

"Stop it, Kenzi..." Bo argued, weakly now, unable to refute the truth.

"We never knew her. We knew a Lauren but she wasn't real. Just some mask, or a disguise or -"

"Stop it!"

It was Kenzi's turn to startle into silence, feeling her heart sink when she finally noticed the silent tears on Bo's face.

"I knew her, okay? I -"

"She wasn't -"

"I did, Kenzi. I knew her," Bo said firmly, and there was something in her tone then that made Kenzi hesitate, allowing Bo to continue. "I told her this and I'm telling you now. Whoever she was before, I still know her now and I love her. That won't change."

"Bo..." Kenzi tried one last time but got immediately shut down by a firm "No, Kenzi."

She watched her grieving best friend pick a couple of the journals that had fallen on the floor carefully, cradling them in her arms gently, before Bo walked away without looking back.

xxx

Kenzi sort of collapsed on a kitchen stool when Bo was out of sight and noticed how hard her legs were shaking. Her jaw muscles ached too, from the tension and the lingering anger that she didn't want to let go. She glanced at the remaining books on the table and slowly, more carefully this time, began to peruse them.

Most of contents flew over her head, the technical jargon scribbled in tiny, cramped letters making her eyes hurt, but she wasn't entirely clueless either. Even with the limited information she did understand, she recognized the genius - the brilliance, as Hale had said - of one, Lauren Lewis.

Their supposed friend.

If she remembered correctly, Lauren wasn't even her real name. Bo mentioned it once, almost as an afterthought, when they were still a bit hopeful and brainstorming of ways that the doctor could have hidden herself from the fae.

Kenzi scoffed to herself, the noise loud in their silent, drafty house. A person with a fake name would know a lot about covering her tracks. They had very little hope of finding her from the beginning.

Her anger flared again, a tiny ball of fire inside her chest, wanting to be set free. She pictured Bo's crying face and tried to clamp down on her feelings - tried to move past it for her best friend - but even as she did, she realized how personal she had taken this revelation.

She felt betrayed.

Lauren had become her friend despite their rocky beginnings, (and if she was honest, their relationship will probably be always a bit tense) and she thought that the doctor was done surprising them. She knew that there were mysteries still, like that offhand comment about Afghanistan, but Kenzi had believed that at least the lying was over. That she knew who this person was, in essence, and that the rest of the stories left are just details to fill in the blanks.

But now it turns out that the essence was the lie and the little bits of details they had gathered over three years was the truth.

Maybe it just galled her, Kenzi considered, because she prided herself on being a decent conman and there was a con right under her nose, undetected and made a sucker out of her.

She _knew_ from the beginning that Lauren was iffy but she would never have believed this.

And yet, as she continued to read the journals - and saw the other bits of truth that Lauren had carelessly left behind - she relaxed just a tiny bit more, catching herself fighting a grin at the doctor's surprisingly dry and witty observations, doodled randomly all over her notes. Kenzi recognized Lauren in these pages, little by little, and discovered more than she expected.

Sometimes it was hard, like when she stumbled on one of the journals that must have been written in the early years. There were pages full of Nadia's name alone, like Lauren had become stuck for a moment and the only thing she could write was her comatose girlfriend's name. Or maybe it was a dispassionate accounting of a biopsy or an experiment, the tone professional and yet containing a hint of excitement and glee that sent shivers up her spine.

Other times it was like Lauren was speaking next to her, babbling incomprehensively and making something ordinary sound so complicated.

Despite herself, Kenzi felt anger slowly leave her. It became hard to keep it going in the face of all the tiny revelations she was discovering about Lauren, but mostly it was the odd realization that the doctor _was _human.

And it was strange to finally comprehend that now, after three years of knowing each other.

Sure, Kenzi could blame it on Lauren's coldness. That even after everything that had happened to them, she kept everyone - except Bo - away.

But now that she knew why, it was harder to blame the other woman.

Yes, she lied to them - betrayed them - but it was all because, in the end, Lauren _was_ _human_.

Human and weak and probably pissing her pants the whole time in fear. Somewhere along the years, the doc developed a freaking iron mask over her emotions, and maybe forgot what it was like to have real friends, but these journals had finally laid her bare.

If she really thought about it - which she should have, Kenzi realized now - why would someone like Lauren have a fake name anyway? Some people do it just because, but the doc didn't seem that type.

Maybe because of the fae? For some reason, that seemed false to her too.

Then maybe she was running from her past. Was she actually a criminal? An escaped convict? Again, it didn't fit what Kenzi knew of her.

She could see Lauren doing some... science-y thing with all that intensity and eagerness _and okay, so why does young Lauren have pigtails in her mind?_ Kenzi shook her head at herself. But even though the unusual image disappeared, she was suddenly certain that Lauren was probably at just the wrong place and the wrong time. Maybe she caused some kind of accident and someone died.

Whatever it was, it had been extreme enough to send the doctor running.

How long had she run, Kenzi wondered now, until the fae found her?

The truth was, Lauren's life sucked. Majorly. But the doc was so good at blending in that no one really noticed anything. No one _wanted_ to notice, least of all her.

Kenzi wanted to kick herself then.

If she had tried harder, befriended Lauren properly, could all this be avoided?

If Lauren had a friend other than Bo that she felt she could confide on...

Kenzi shot up and began to pace. It was stupid to do what-ifs now, six months down the line. It wasn't going to help anybody.

She glanced idly at the mess of stuff on their dining table - still thinking of Lauren and Bo - and furrowed her brow.

xxx

She found Bo on her bed, red-eyed and staring blankly at one of the journals. Kenzi cleared her throat gently to catch her attention and felt her heart broke at the desperate look on her best friend's face.

"What if I never find her again, Kenz?"

The soft question sent her diving into the bed to gather the succubus in a tight embrace.

"Oh, Bo-Bo! Don't say that! I was just being an idiot earlier, okay? I didn't mean what I said -"

"But you were right, we didn't know her, I didn't know her -"

"Bo. Stop it," Kenzi said, firmly. "I was the wrong one, okay? And I'm sorry I made you doubt her. I..." Here, she paused for a second, face twisting in uncertainty before settling into a fierce frown. "Okay, so I know how ridiculous this sounds because you know me, and I'm generally confident about," she gestured to her body, "the whole package, but... Lauren's always been my weak point."

At this confession, Bo's face turned sympathetic. "Aww, Kenz -"

"Don't you dare, Bo-Bo!" Kenzi threatened, "I'm don't want you to feel sorry for me. I just want you to listen okay?"

Bo nodded hesitantly.

Kenzi inhaled. "Okay, so where was I? Oh yeah, Lauren. She's the only other human in this group of ours and she's just... so blonde. But not really. Because she's also this brilliant nerd-genius scientist and it's very hard to compete with that sometimes..." She scowled exaggeratedly at Bo's silent "aawww" look but continued, "And yeah, she's not perfect. She screwed up a lot of times, but even before that, I never really gave her a chance, you know? I just decided not to like her and I don't know..." Kenzi hesitated before turning to Bo, "I keep thinking that maybe we could have avoided all this, if I had tried to be a better friend to her."

"Kenzi..." Bo said, her tone plaintive. "This is not your fault."

"No, I know that, of course," Kenzi argued back before deflating again, half heartedly playing with the fallen journal on Bo's side."I just, I've been reading these stuff and she was just so _alone_, Bo. And I should've seen it and understood better than anyone because we're in a similar position, except I didn't!" When Bo made as if to argue back again, Kenzi hurriedly blurted out, "The worst part is that I saw bits of it already but I willingly ignored them, not wanting to deal with her drama!"

At that, Bo's mouth shut with a clack. Kenzi saw her jaw clench and braced herself for angry words.

Instead, she could only blink at Bo's pained rejoinder. "That's me, I'm the biggest offender."

"What-?"

"You said it before, I was Lauren's lover and yet I didn't know anything about her. It was always about me and my problems and Lauren was there for me every step of the way but I couldn't do that for her..."

Kenzi gave a deep sigh. "Well, we're just a couple of epic failures, aren't we? E-PIC," Kenzi repeated, relishing the popping noise. "E-pic, e-pic, e-pic -"

"I get it, Kenz," Bo interrupted with a wry smile and they both fell into quiet contemplation.

"Then there's only one thing to do," Kenzi said, after a short while. At Bo's questioning look, she winked and continued. "We'll have to be better friends when she comes back. We can't ignore her anymore and she's not allowed to hide stuff from us to be mysterious or something."

Bo's heavy gulp was loud in the sudden silence following Kenzi's statement.

"You..." the succubus tried haltingly, "You think we'll get that chance? Lauren will... she'll come back to us?"

"Yeah, Bo-Bo," Kenzi said simply.

"Ho-why?"

"Here," Kenzi said, pulling out a thin book from behind her. "I found this poetry book downstairs with her stuff and suddenly, it's like a Sesame Street reunion in my head."

"What? 'It's not Easy being Green'?" Bo asked, confusion written all over her face as she examined the green poetry book.

"No! 'One of These Things is Not Like the Other'! Sheesh, Bo," Kenzi huffed, though her eyes twinkled with amusement.

"Oh, okay, yeah..."

"It's neither a medical text book or a journal or a cook book - which by the way? What the hell is that all about? There's a couple of fiction novels in there too but the cook books seriously outnumbered them."

Bo laughed. "She likes to cook, I guess. I mean, it was obvious that she was a good cook when she stayed here for a while-"

"Oh yeah!" Kenzi interrupted excitedly before frowning again. "Don't remind me. That was such a horrible time..."

Bo stared at her. "Well, it wasn't ideal for everyone but I wouldn't call it horrible. She did a lot of things for us, remember?"

Kenzi waved a lazy hand. "It was cool that she wanted to clean and helped us organize the basement but I gained five pounds because of her constant cooking, Bo! My clothes were suddenly too tight!"

Bo shot her a fond grin. "No one asked you to eat all the muffins, Kenz."

"They were there! What was I supposed to do? Ignore them?"

"You could've given Dyson some. I saw you hit him when he tried to get thirds."

"He was being greedy, when he already had two. Just because he had bigger hands and mouth doesn't mean he can have more," Kenzi explained in a straight face, that cracked Bo up finally.

"Oh my God, you're so... never change, Kenzi."

Kenzi couldn't stifle her own small smile, feeling a hundred times better at the sound of Bo's laughter. "Of course not. Why change perfection?" Kenzi answered back, trying to play smug. But they both knew that the moment was too charged for it.

Bo rescued them from the slight awkwardness by waving the green book around. "So? You were saying something about this book?"

"Oh yeah, that." Kenzi took the book from her and flipped the pages absentmindedly. "So, I thought it was strange for this book to be there. Lauren really didn't seem like the type, you know?" It was clearly meant as a rhetorical question but unfortunately, Bo took it seriously.

"I don't know, Kenz, Lauren can be very deep sometimes-"

"Anyway, I just meant that it was obvious what her preferred reading materials were," Kenzi interrupted loudly. "So, I looked at it and saw these weird scribblings." She pointed to a random page. "See?"

At Bo's nod, Kenzi continued. "And because I'm so brilliant, I thought that maybe they were a secret code or something, because the patterns repeated, see?"

"Uh, okay?"

"I know what you're thinking Bo, but before you say it, let me just say that I was right." At this, Kenzi flashed her a big, smug grin. "It was a code thingy. And I broke it. Just like I broke, Trick's code thingy before."

"What? Seriously?" Bo took the book again and flipped the pages, her brow furrowed in concentration. It looked like she was trying to break the code herself by sheer determination.

"Here," Kenzi said softly, passing her a piece of paper. "This is the message I got."

When Bo took it with a slightly stunned "Thanks", Kenzi stood up to go but she hesitated and decided to add one last thing. "It's... I'm not sure why Lauren did this, why she went through all this trouble," she gestured to the note that Bo was already clutching a little too tightly, "but I'm glad I found it, I guess."

"Thank you, Kenzi," Bo said again, taking Kenzi's hand in hers and squeezing it tightly.

"Anytime, Bo-Bo," Kenzi murmured, backing away quickly and silently as Bo bent her head to read the simple message.

It was very short and to the point - probably because of the lack of space in the thin book - but it was still packed full of emotions.

For a moment, Kenzi found herself envying Bo. Someday, she wanted to find a Lauren of her own, she thought.

Someone who probably just thought of you the whole day and created a whole new cipher to write a coded message, just because they were inspired. Or someone who only knew science but still attempted to write a love letter, because they loved you that much to try.

A person who could look back on a very difficult life and think, how lucky they were that they ended up on that road because it meant having you in their life later on.

Kenzi's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a stifled sob upstairs, but she only smiled and went to check the freezer. She better make sure they have ice-cream for later, when Bo has recovered enough.

She thought back again on that note that she had unintentionally memorized:

_for a long time there was only pain sadness loneliness but i won't change my past for it lead me to you to loving you bo im sorry thank you i love you_

Yeah, Kenzi thought she could breathe a little bit easier now. She had a feeling that things are going to turn around for the better.

END

* * *

A/N: Hurray a new story! Thank you everyone for those who decided to read this, and also if you happen to pass by, everyone who has left me reviews and/or favorited me/my other works. You're all awesome! :D

A little explanation: for the longest time I just called this fic Fringe!Lauren, because that's what inspired it. If you haven't seen that show, the basic premise is that science pretty much can do everything (in fact, I borrowed a couple of Fringe's sciences for Lauren's accomplishments here) and most of the scientists have god-complexes. So while doing a re-watch of that show, a little plot bunny popped up in my head. What if Lauren was that kind of scientist? And nobody really knew until she was gone, and everyone was awed/fascinated/horrified when they found out.

Also, I think this is also the first fic I wrote that was almost 90% Kenzi POV. I'm not sure I got her voice right, but hopefully it's not too bad.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!

Cheers!

rabastan04


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